All parents at some stage find themselves saying the most ridiculous obscure things out loud to their children. And if they say “oh no, I’ve never said anything like that” then I call their bluff!
Since having children, I tend to say things that I even I go “what the” after I have said them. It really is a case of I-should-have-engaged-the-brain-before-I-engaged-the-mouth type of thing!
At times talking to and with my little superheroes, has caused me to rattle off some of the dumbest questions that I have ever asked and some of the most pointless sentences I could ever have thought of. I’ve said some downright insane things.
Sometimes I am lucky enough to be at home when I say them, other times we’re out and about. When we’re out and about, we sure do get some giggles from those around us!
Some are so ridiculous that after I have said them not only do I think to myself what was I thinking, but my little superheroes are staring at me in complete wonderment. I then think to myself “what does that even mean, why on earth did I say/ask that?”
Here is a list of the some of the crazy, shocking, hilarious and just downright “WTF” things that I have found myself saying out loud!
If you don’t put your shoes on, I’m leaving without you!
Seriously, where could I really go without you? You're not old enough to be left alone at home, so legally I could only go into the front or back yard or I could go hide in the bathroom!
If you don’t start cleaning up the mess, you can go to your room!
You've stopped cleaning for a reason and it’s only lunchtime. And there are toys in your bedrooms so there’s no point sending you there, because another mess will be created.
If you don’t stop, I’m turning the car around and we’re going home!
But because we are on my way to a specialist appointment, I’m not going to turn the car around so I’m not sure how that will even work.
No L you can’t put your skateboard on the trampoline, it’s not safe. The bike isn’t safe either. Or the shovel. Or the dog.
Just bounce for crying out loud, please for the love of God, just bounce!
I’m going to put all your toys into a garbage bag and throw them away.
Yes I am going to put them into a garbage bag. No I’m not going to throw them away because they cost too much. Instead the bag will sit in the spare room for a week. So the whole act really serves no purpose because you know that at some stage you are going to get your toys back.
If you don’t eat, I’m not going to give you any more dinner.
This is definitely a WTF moment, it makes no sense at all so I’m even going to try to explain it.
Are you trying to make me mad?
Isn’t that the whole point of what they’re doing? It’s not like I’m jumping for joy over here. I’m absolutely certain that they just like ignoring me until my head starts to spin and smoke comes out of my ears.
If you’re not going to listen, I’m going to stop talking.
Said I to the children who clearly weren’t listening to a word that I was saying.
If you don’t stop playing with your food, I’m going to take it away.
If they are not eating, chance are they’re really not that hungry or they don’t want what is in front of them, so just take it away!
Are you listening? Can you hear me?
Again said to children who clearly weren’t listening at all!
You don’t need your dinner on 3 different plates, nor do you need three different forks but if it helps you to eat, then okay!
Why don't we just use disposable plates all the time, would save on washing up.
Are you hungry?
No Mum I’m not hungry, I just thought that I would pull the pantry apart and put it all back together, but I’d reorganize it and leave all the snacks that I like out on the floor.
The soap is dry, have you washed yourself yet? Yes, you did use soap yesterday, I meant today?
Ah, really Mum, did you really just ask that? The soap is dry, what do you think!
No L that is not Batman! Yes he does have a Batman shirt on but no that doesn't make him Batman. No you can’t go and punch him in the tummy to see if he is super strong. Why? Because he isn’t Batman.
Please go and get dressed…… (5 minutes later)…… oh you are dressed but I’m so sorry, just wearing a pair of jocks is not socially acceptable.
L you have your shoes on the wrong feet! L replied "but I don't have any more feet!
Yeah yeah, I brought that on myself!
Where has all the toilet paper gone? Oh your teddy has a sore arm and you wanted to help like a doctor? How lovely, can your sister please have some of Teddy's bandages so that she can go to the toilet?
Go and put some shoes on please. Perhaps not those shoes, those are Daddy’s, you’ll trip over. No you can’t wear them to school.
Go and put some shoes and socks on please L.
L’s response “don’t you mean, socks first.”
Yeah, yeah, you’d think that I would have learnt by now!
Where have all the chips gone? Oh you were hungry? So you ate the entire packet, all 20 of the little packets? Did it not occur to you to eat an apple? Oh, you gave the apple to the dog, how thoughtful! I'm not surprised that you have a tummy ache!I’m sure at times that my kids are bona fide smart asses!