Thursday, 3 November 2016

I’m not a super mum, my children are the superheroes!

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Just lately I’ve been hearing a lot of “you’re such a super mum” but really I’m not. Just hear me out, it won’t take long, I promise!

Image result for super mom clipart

The day that L was diagnosed with autism, it seems that life handed me a cape and said “Wear this, for now you must fight for your child, you must never stop. Every waking moment, and most nights, you must figure out how to fight for your child. There is no guide book, you just need to figure it out as you go.”

There are days, weeks even, when I am completely exhausted. Not your ordinary had-a-late-night type of exhausted. I’m the I-need-5-cups-of-coffee-just-to-keep-my-eyes-propped-open exhausted, and that’s quite difficult when I can’t drink caffeinated coffee - caffeine gives me migraines L And no matter how many extra naps I manage to get, I just can’t seem to catch up on the much needed sleep.

There are days when I wish that never again should any parent have to fight for what is simply their child’s right, that they shouldn’t have to justify to medical professionals and funding bodies about their child’s diagnosis. There are days when I wish that the world was sensitive, understanding and inclusive to any individual who has a disability. That they aren't made to jump through hoops to get the help that they need. There are days when I wonder if L or O had a physical disability would it be easier to get them the help that they need. And then I get angry because it shouldn't be that hard to get help. It shouldn't make a difference but it does because Autism is considered a "hidden disability." I wish people wouldn't say "but they look normal." And then I want to set about changing societies perceptions of what Autism looks like!

There are times when I am tired of explaining that a diagnosis of Autism is not the end of the world, it just means we are touring a different world. I don't want to keep explaining that they need to be happy for us because we are on an amazing eye opening, constantly learning journey with a wonderful tour guide. I want people everywhere to understand Autism.


I don’t want to have to tell people not to pity my child because he has Autism. I want them to see that he has the most amazing strengths and that every day he is learning new skills. That both my children can achieve whatever they set their minds to, they might just take longer to get there and take little detours every now and then.

I wish that the mother at the playground who looked down her nose at me because L was having a rough morning and then told her little boy, within ear shot of us, not to play with my boy “because he’s being very naughty” would have a little more empathy towards others. I’ve yet to meet a child who is perfectly behaved all day, every day. I secretly cheered when her child started carrying on like a pork chop because he didn’t want to leave the playground! I wish that she would let her child learn how to play with children who are “different” from him, let him work how to be inclusive and accommodating of others. He needs to learn these things to help this world become a better place in the future.

I wish that sometimes I didn’t have to choose between my children. Kisses and cuddles in bed with O or have L on my lap to avoid a meltdown because he can’t get comfortable on the couch. Take O to her activities so that she can do something that she loves or put it off another week because it is easier not to go rather than take L and not be able to give O my full attention. And then I remember that L and O don't misbehave on purpose, well sometimes they do. They are trying to tell me something, just not with words because in that moment they can't find the words to use.

I wish that one night, just one, both my children would eat what I cook instead of eating tin spaghetti for the fourth night in a row. Think I really need to take out shares in the spaghetti company!

I’ve never felt like giving up and walking away when things have become too overwhelming. I have, however, wanted to lie in the foetal position and just cry and stay like that for a while. I don’t want to feel guilty about feeling that way, I need to be weak at times. I’m not so great at being strong all the time, who is. I need to cry sometimes, I do make mistakes and I do let my guard down. I'm not perfect. I don't want to be made to feel guilty when I have a rough day.

Having one child with autism and another who is suspected of being on spectrum, doesn’t make me a super mum, it really doesn’t. It does make me a fighter. I will constantly fight for both my children, for what they deserve. Don't ever tell me that they can't do something, you really don't want to be on the receiving end of a tirade from me!

I'm not a super mum, my kids are the superheroes. They never give up, they set their goals high and they will get there. They are the ones with superpowers, not me. I'm just their support team!

57 comments:

  1. Well done mama, you're showing your kids how to be strong- they are little bundles of amazing wonder aren't they?!

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    1. That they are, they are very very strong willed at times but that's what makes them them!

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  2. I understand! My son also has autism. I'm always fighting for him. Making sure he's okay. He is truly my superhero.

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  3. Love this post. I have a medically fragile little one with special needs. I totally understand where you are coming from.

    Tammy
    www.simplypreparing.com

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    1. Thank you, hugs and strength to you as well xx

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  4. loved your post and yes I believe my children and grand-children are the super heros that make mom look good
    come see us at http://shopannies.blogspot.com

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  5. Such a heartfelt post. You sound like a terrific mom, your children are so lucky to have you!

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    1. Thanks, I feel lucky to have them too!

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  6. Awww....What a beautiful post! I can tell you are Super Mum though. :) There's nothing better than a mum who support's her children.

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  7. Having kids is difficult as is. Keep your head up and be proud of yourself!

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  8. What a wonderful post, thank you so mud for sharing your story!

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  9. You sound like a beautifully normal mom - wanting others to see the best in your child! <3

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    1. Thank you, and yes I just want others to see the strengths in both my children.

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  10. At least he has a caring and understanding parent. We experience this at school a lot.

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  11. Sounds like you have yourself some wonderful children and you should allow yourself to have some of the credit, you seem to be a very supportive and understanding mother. I hope one day you get to spend 24 hours in bed (with maybe a bubble bath) and catch up on some rest.

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    1. I do, they are both gorgeous children. 24 hours in bed, I'd just like a couple of hours!

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  12. Thank you for being so real and open with us. Keep on keeping on! I know there are plenty of days you want to throw in the towel. This post is encouraging to those who want to quit as well so thank you.

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  13. Great post, Jenni! After reading this post, I just want you to know that you're definitely a super mum that bring up two super heroes. I know how it feels to be needing sleep. It's really really exhausting. I admire your strength and your dedication to both your children. Never doubt that you're super mum in their eyes.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words.

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  14. This was so beautifully and eloquently written! Crying doesn't make you weak, it means that you're not giving up on things and you're clearly doing an amazing job! You're right, at times we all need to cry and let everything out and then get up and keep going.

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    1. Thank you, a good cry is all you need sometimes.

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  15. This is the second post I've read today discussing autism. I wonder if it's becoming more common. If you don't mind me asking - and I know ahead of time this is very controversial - do you see any relationship between vaccines and autism?

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    1. My son was a different baby from birth, before he'd had his vaccinations, so no I don't see any relationship at all between Autism and vaccinations. Looking back on it, my daughter always had some traits too, we just never associated them with Autism.

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  16. You sound like an amazing mother that follows many of the same style of parenting as myself. I really wish that parents with children would understand that while their children may not be having struggles in life there are some children who are. People really need to educate themselves and be more open and understanding.

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  17. The kids that has autism is truly wonderful and brilliant! :)

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  18. I am a single mom to a 3 year old boy with special needs as well. My son was diagnosed with Down syndrome and has been in hospitals multiple times during his first year. He's a lot better and stronger than he used to be, very active too which is very exhausting but fun. And like you, I don't see myself as a supermom as well. I see my son as a warrior, my little fighter. And because I see him fighting, that's where I get strength to fight for and with him, too. From one mom to another, let me tell you, you are doing great. And your kids knowing and feeling that they are loved, that's all they need. Nevermind what the rest of the world says. :)

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    1. Thank you, hugs and love to you and your little boy. He sounds like a little fighter xx

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  19. You are a strong woman and an incredible mom! Great post and thank you for sharing!

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  20. My cousin has a son who is on spectrum so I know how hard it can be and definitely you are a real fighter

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  21. You have such a great attitude and this is a wonderful post! I know you want to disagree, but parents of children with special needs really are super heroes! :) -

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  22. I have to disagree. You are supermom with super kids. My thinking is supermoms have super kids. I work with kids diagnosed with autism daily and from my perspective they have a special kind of supermom.

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  23. "There are times when I am tired of explaining that a diagnosis of Autism is not the end of the world, it just means we are touring a different world." --- That is my greatest take-away from you post! Awesome. :)

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  24. Just keep doing what you feel is best for your kids and don't mind the others. There will be more people like them along the way. It's all about you and your kids and that's it.

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  25. You sound like an amazing mom!!! There is so much pressure on moms these days, and it can be even harder when you have a child with special needs.

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  26. In my case, I think you deserve to be called a super mom, you're amazing and so are your kids. I love that you stand by them no matter what, if that's not love, I don't know what is.

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  27. Kids are definitely super heroes in my eyes! I think that somewhere in every mom though there is a super power!

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  28. Its hard when people just do not understand how these types of things effect not only the children but family with them too , YOur doing a super job !

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