On any given day at Superhero Headquarters, a.k.a. our place, there are many conversations that would probably confuse most parents but not those who have special needs children. I am secretly hoping that some of the questions have been asked in your household, please tell me that they have! Or at least pretend that these questions have run through your mind to make me feel better!
What would you like for breakfast/lunch/dinner L? No, dog biscuits are not for breakfast/lunch/dinner, they are for the dog.
Do you have any wipes in your car? We've run out of L's special wipes.
Where did you hide the chocolate? (Usually said late at night away from prying ears and eyes) What do you mean, you didn't buy any/you've eaten it all?
Have you given the kids their melatonin?
Did you wash yourself L? Yesterday doesn't count, you need to wash yourself tonight.
Mum! Dad! L is drinking from the dog's water again!
L please go and get dressed. No, you can't go to school in just your jocks. Mrs S and Mrs DC and Mrs S won't like it if you just wear jocks to school!
Maybe we can add that to his IEP?
I'll email L's case manager tomorrow.
Mum! Dad! L is eating the rabbit food again!
L, what dog biscuits does your puppy like? I didn't ask what dog biscuits you like, I asked which ones does R like? Okay, okay, which ones do you and R like?
L, the meal worms are for the quail, not for you!
Where is L going to sleep tonight? Should we try him in his bed?
No. we're not watching a batman cartoon, it is 2am in the morning and it is time for sleep. I have to work tomorrow and you have school.
No, you can't just have tomato sauce for dinner, you need something else too. No tomato sauce won't taste nice on coco pops!
Can you run to the shops to get tomato sauce, we've run out.
What's on the wall in the toilet? Is that poo? It smells like poo, don't touch it!
Have you got extra jocks in your hand bag?
Give our compliments to the chef on the sauce, the fish was very nice but he just wanted to eat the sauce!
Tag, you're it. I need to get some sleep (usually said at about 2am in the morning.)
L has been laying down all afternoon not moving, he doesn't feel hot. Do you want to ring the doctor or do you want me to?
Would you like another coffee?
Mum/Dad, I'm cold, can you come and tuck me in - usually said after O creeps into the room without making a sound and then she leans about 1cm from your face and scare the poo out of you at some silly hour of the morning.
Can we make O's next appointments? How far in advance are we able to make them? November? Great!
No L, this doctor doesn't have the toy room, that is your immunologist. Yes, this doctor has the water machine, let's try not to flood the room this time please.
Can you please make sure that the food isn't touching on the plate, they won't eat if the food is touching each other.
Mum! Dad! L is playing with dog poo! Now he's throwing at me!!
Yes, you do have to wash your hands, you were playing with dog poo! No, you can't have something to eat, you have dog poo on your hands, go and wash them please!
Did you wash your hands? The soap isn't wet? That is not washing your hands, that is just wetting the soap!